Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
