I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
