I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
