If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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