So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
