The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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