Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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