The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
