I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
