Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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