You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
