I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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