Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
