i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
