Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
