Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
