Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
