FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just googled if crying burns calories
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
