capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she pinky promised me she was 18
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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