If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
