I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
