i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
