she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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