every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
