Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
