I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
