her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
