"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
