There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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