I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
