Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You were trust falling into bushes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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