I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
