I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
