i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
