I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
