At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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