OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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