so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
