Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
