I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
