yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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