i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
