look no pants
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
