I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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