She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
