Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
