so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
