i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
