he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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