Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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