yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I am morally bankrupt
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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