you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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