What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
