Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
